This list is exactly what it sounds like.
It started with an innocent question.
“Do you know this anime character?” My friend turned her phone so I could see a drawing her stepson had made.
I didn’t know, so naturally, I turned to Google and typed: boy turns into big skeleton anime. The first web result was 8 Boneable Skeletons – The List, by Lynzee Loveridge. It is exactly what it sounds like- an assessment of the sex appeal of skeleton characters from Anime shows.
My friend and I may be Anime ignorant, but we know a sexy skeleton when we see one. And so this list was born.
Jack Skellington “Nightmare Before Christmas”
First of all, Jack is Pumpkin royalty and the original Bone Daddy. He’s got a voice made for stage and legs for daaaays. His fingers are a tad sharp at the tips, but some of us are into that kinda thing.
Imhotep “The Mummy”
If you’re vegan for the animals, his entomophagy diet of scarabs and sand is perfect for you. His sense of humor is a bit dry (maybe it’s all the sand), but he will do anything for the girl he loves. That being said, he’s not exactly available and will gladly sacrifice you to his ex. She’s not vegan.
Captain Barbossa “Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl”
Hector Barbossa is your run-of-the-mill hard-drinking Irish sailor. You’d get to sail the seas in his private yacht…along with 30 of his best skeletal friends. His sexual appetite is insatiable, and he isn’t able to commit to anyone until he lifts his curse. Oh, did I mention he’s cursed? His friends are too, so maybe that is one ship you should let sail.
Grim “Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy”
Not to ruin our childhood, but Grim was a hottie. Close your eyes and let his deep Jamaican lilt take you over the edge. At 6’-6”, he can always be the big spoon. He’s also proven he’s patient with kids and will tackle that honey-do list.
Johnny Blaze “Ghost Rider”
Johnny Blaze is a leather-wearing bad boy on a magical motorcycle. What more do you need? Imagine the rush of speeding up the side of the Empire State Building at 100 mph. Are you burning with passionate desire or from actual flames? Unfortunately, while he might be a badass, you can’t be. He only turns into a flaming skeleton at night or around evil, so be on your best behavior.
Crypt Keeper “Tales from the Crypt”
Ok, hear me out… He has pretty eyeballs and I know he’d spit out witty dirty talk. Cover your ears when he laughs though…that cackle will haunt your dreams. Even if he were the last bone on earth, I wouldn’t bone, but I’d definitely hang out for a story.
Frederick Loren “House on Haunted Hill” 1959
This Skeletal millionaire is a bit stiff, and might break if you go too rough. Then again, he’s a tad older than the rest of the boners on this list. Don’t marry him for money though, he’ll kill you just for kicks.
Can you feel his classic velvety baritone pulsate through your bones?
Oh yes, yes I am.
Nazgul “Lord of the Rings”
Ringwraiths may be stuck in the shadows, but they wear armor that looks like bones. Besides, it’s my list and I can do what I want.
Something about that scream, in Dolby digital surround, really gets the juices flowing. If you’re looking for someone who’s gonna put that gold band on your hand, look no further. He will literally sell his soul to get it for you.
Does this list make sense? Probably not. Was it fun to research and write? Hell yes. Did I end up going down some sketchy rabbit holes? Most definitely.
Although I still don’t know the answer to boy turns into big skeleton anime. Can someone help a girl out please?